In then Out

Can't keep from masturbating lately. This woman I'm dating makes my vulva pull up every time I think of her in a sexual way. It's never really been like this before. Being so sexually turned on by someone that I can masturbate twice a day and still orgasm with someone (her) in that same day. This adventure has deepened and further opened my sexual relationship with my own self.

For better or worse, sex with another tends to make me want to fall in love with that person. Even if the sex isn't that great I still start to desire the person in a very monogamous kind of way. When this happens my sexual relationship to myself becomes mostly perfunctory. Now that I'm aware of this pattern I'm consciously working to change it. Of course I can't lie, my current lover inspires such sexuality in me that it's easy to access sensual feelings at any given moment.

Instead of letting my mind wander to wanting to fall in love with her, I'm deepening my relationship with me. To be deeply in love, no matter what is the goal. It's more than the common self help knowledge that you can't love someone unless you love yourself. This idea is meaningful, true and elementary for me. The point with my love and sex life is and has to be based upon spirituality. I know when sex with another is based on sense and energy instead of the technical aspects I enjoy myself a million times more. My orgasms dance and my body feels wonderfully squeezed by God/dess. Bringing this feeling from 2 person sex to solo sex is a challenge, but I'm so grateful to have the inspiration to begin an even deeper very hot, spiritual and beautiful sexual/romantic relationship with myself.